Breakneck

 I am aching for a different pace.

I see other mothers and, at first thought, am slightly jealous. Manicured lawns, no dishes in the sink. Leather couches with not a mark on them. Soft spoken children, never out of line, and never a toy misplaced. Husband always happy, dinner always organic and made from scratch, hair always perfect.

On second thought, I wonder what they are sedating their children with (hah!). Or what fairy takes away their dishes. Or why their children never jump on the couch. Or their beds. Or my bed. Why do they have everything together? How? And work? And clean? And and and?

Then I look at other ways of life. The style that I ache for: simplification. I long for a yard that doesn't need manicured, because it's full of tall grass, wild flowers, and stretches to meet the prairies and the mountains. I yearn for children that are exhausted at the end of the day because they have been in the garden gathering, in the trees climbing, in the barn exploring. I would love to bake bread every day, spend all day in an apron, and have kids that don't know what TV is. Or why there was a car bomb in another country. Or think that we can only buy Colgate because it "makes our smiles sexy." (Yes, my 5 year old said that.)

Someday, when we are older and more financially able to, I think we will be inching our way out of the surburban life style.

I just can't help but think that as a society, we are missing out on the pleasures of life. To me, those things are primarily to love the Lord and know Him personally...to be best friends with your mate...to raise your darlings up the best way you know how...to enjoy creation...and not let the world whiz by you at light speed.

For now I am stuck being half way crunchy: breastfeeding, cloth diapering, composting for the garden we don't have, and giving our kids a great but non traditional education. I am giving up trying to pretend that I can get it all done. If you come to my house, prepare your self for crayons everywhere, sticky floors, sticky faces, sticky hands, dirty dishes, laundry on the couch, and kids that will melt your heart.

It's just not worth working at breakneck speed to me.